Atmosphere of the Home

When my mind goes blank and the wind breathes a cloudy speech bubble, and I start to reminisce: I remember--not my favourites per se, but--some of my most fond memories and recollections; and a lot of it comes from a place of dining. My dad sitting with his back at the living room at the masters seat, my mom either beside him or at the opposite because she's the one that sits last and gets up to get whatever her children needs, while me and my sister occupy the sides of the rectangular or oval table.

One memory I recall was, during one regular school morning, we woke up and took a bath; a normal occurrence; and sat at the table to eat our normal meal. Sometimes it was bread and Milo, sometimes, it was oatmeal, but most of the other times it was still oatmeal. In my memory, I just sat there and ate. That's it! That's the entire scene. It's not always a memorable memory and I don't always remember what happened, what we talked about, or even what day, month, or year it was; I just remembered being full. Full of rice and my favourite sinigang--yes, but also full of love and contentment. 

Because of this experience--and some of the Lucky Me commercials back in the day "Hapag Kainan"--I'm a true advocate for a family eating together and its behavioural and cognitive effects on a child. Although this is just one instance, the simplicity and consistency of it makes it a special part of the daily routines of a growing family.

Importance of Families -- As the "heart" of society, it seems counterintuitive for a family to be heartless, dry, and apathetic. It is a big duty and responsibility for families because they either deteriorate or make the future. Any terrible experience that mankind did to itself all started inside the family circle: the appetite for destruction, adultery, and inconceivable satiation with what the world so shallowly offers; even to the extreme ends of both insatiability and nothingness. It's wild to imagine that those who seek the rise and fall of kingdoms and those who actually did could have been better people if they just--y'know--were content inside their homes. 

Of course the applicability is not always the full 100% shebang, but the point is that's why the atmosphere of the home is irreplaceable. Our "little heaven on earth" should not be marred by the masquerade of faces--and this starts at the very young age. The cultivation of a fragrant temperature the couple has should emanate first before releasing a splendid pungence of management and technical legislatives. Children first learns to sense before they learn to understand. Children will first sense the emotional climate of the home before fathoming its rules. And as a sailor (not really), I've seen what the difference of climates can do. 

Some homes are cold, tense, and unpredictable; some homes are heated, tense, and argumentative; and it rare cases, it's gentle and so see-through that some may call it boring; but that's just peaceful. 

Respect as a Characteristic and not a Reward -- Homes that have blurred the line of respect especially towards the parents are a breeding ground for a terrible future. Impoliteness, toxic candor, and intergenerational de-sacrification are the branches that will sprout from this sapling. In the same manner, parents who also don't describe respect through actions are doomed from the start and should not blame the loss of their children when the time comes. 

Those who speak "respect is earned" are making a fool out of themselves. If one is respectful, then it is their lungs, and not their breathe that comes in and out and in and out. "I'm only going to respect you if you respect me," is an excuse that's been so normalized that we're teaching it our children like a creed. 

Fear vs. Love on Obedience -- On the other hand, many families also prioritize harsh and cold-cut discipline over obedience. The way children obey should always be led by example and love and not fear. One of the worst cultures that I've ever seen in my life was humiliation as a way of correction. As a child and not a dog, when I was a child, I did not know how to swim. Naturally, my dad would teach me. But, his methods are too military and too firm for a child that after that experience of being ashamed in front of some people, it took me at least a decade to pursue swimming again. And until now, it's not my most polished skill. I can swim but, I'm really an expert in an underwater breaststroke with no breathing. If I was a frog or a turtle, I would've been a great swimmer. 

Growing up to who I am today, I still am kinda scared of that memory that it's difficult for me to learn from dad--i.e. driving. Even though I know the fear is unjustified, overexemplified, and probably overexaggerated, the emotion I felt is what stuck to me. I understand its unintentionality right now, but children only understand what they felt and not why. AH has a line that says "Children will respond with willing obedience to the rule of love," and this is something that need be remembered by everyone. You can preach all the live long day, but be damned your words if your body shun compatibility with it.  

Breaking the Cycle -- These examples of a hostile environment divides a very fine line of families in between. Most parents and homemakers just do whatever their parents have done even with effort not to, while others overcompensate and do everything opposite, even the good ones. But, the points lies in the breath of relief when these generational patterns either corrode or strengthen. Now that experience with my dad was a small incident during his early life as a father and I'm 101% certain he understood the lapse because this did not occur frequently as a routine--and the reason for that is my dad is a cycle breaker. 

My grandfather was horrible and harsh to my dad, and his father was also horrible and harsh to my grandfather, and possibly so on and so forth. If we had all the information, we could have made a genealogical tree of terrible fathers. But my dad had enough of that, so he broke the cycle by providing a safe and healthy environment for his children to grow without being ruled by fear. For instance, he was always getting whooped or hit by whatever his dad finds and usually only him and not his other 6 siblings. 

My father harvested so much hatred towards his father that the natural result would have been to carry it towards his children; but the opposite happened. He was compelled to stop the generational trauma that has been running his family for generations. He look at that horse-shaped gift towards the mouth and left it outside of Troy. Correction still exists through loving discipline, but I can't remember a time when I was reprimanded for no actual reason. My dad would always remember to tell my why I'm getting scolded and--the most impressive part--I've never been hit by him my entire life. 

Fake Atmosphere of Peace -- But, a family on its path towards destruction is not only marked by the sons of thunder; but sometimes a quiet storm. Modern families excel at one thing--emotional disconnection. Parents who lack the right amount of parenting skill via patience, encouragement, and entertainment are too busy with what their doing in their life (work and stuff) that they neglect their children. Gadgets replaced babysitters, so when they grew up, gadgets also took the place of interaction. Exhausted and emotionally unavailable parents started as the avenue to the incomplete growth of children. 

Even if these homes are conflict-free, it doesn't mean they are not emotionally tense. Silent resentments and unresolved issues roam around the overloaded hearts of these people. The glove-wearing children learn to tread carefully on eggshells above thin ice while dancing around their parents' fragility. 

Warmth of a True Atmosphere -- a true family whose warmth emanates prioritizes encouragement and affection despite err are better than those who prioritize just correction without affirmation. These children grow up to be people who are not used to people complimenting them; they will strive to be people pleasers and will be easily swayed by a smidge of attention. My parents provided me and my sister a lot of encouragement when we were young and even bent down to our level whenever we commit mistakes, and as children, there were a lot.

I'm not saying don't discipline your children: that's a worse case that I've seen countless people do today. Children are born ignorant, innocent, and--dare I say it--stupid. If you love your children, you'll discipline them; if you don't they will remain stupid. Also, the things you have not taught your children will be slapped to their faces by the world. But, without a compassionate method of familial exhortation, they will learn only to breathe in and out, and not the value of breathing. 

The delicate balance is the one wire parents have been attempting to tread for a long time, and most have been failing. I've seen parents who know what should be done and teaches their kids what they should do, but never enforce. That means their children would never trust the empty promises or warnings that their cowardly and hypocrite parents state. AH states “Children need not only reproof and correction, but encouragement and commendation.”

The Little Heaven on Earth -- Although it is important to strive for the best one could ever achieve, it's also important to exterminate ideas that these heaven-like homes are perfect--they are not. But these homes are marked by love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness, and self-control. These homes are relational and exude emotional safety and break the generational chains. 

The daily atmosphere of the homes should epitomize AH's command of "Make their lives as happy as possible," without sacrificing any values and beliefs. Children may forget everything you've said to them when they were young, but they'll never forget what you've made them feel. And that atmosphere is what will ultimately bring them up to who they will be. The best thing that can and should be cultivated is not perfection--it's never perfection--it's peace. 

Chase that peace and tranquility.